Bank of the Universe


tl by danluffey

1: This isn't going to help you one bit, you know.
2: You can't use them.
3: You'll never be able to open it!
4: Are you done?
5: If so, then hand over the two keys already.
sfx: flash
6: Muohh!
7: They're gone?
8: Where did they go?
9: How?!
10: Oh well. I have the keys now.
11: Now I just need
12: to find two people
13: worthy of using them!


1: Yeah, 1st place!
text: Second Semester Midterm Results
1 493 Kyouzan Tomorou
2 488 Mahiruno Murasaki
2: Phew, Murasaki was only 5 points behind!
3: /I'm Kyouzan Tomorou.
4: /Here at One Star High, the top student in each class gets his tuition returned to him.
5: /I'm a high school student who makes money off his brains!
6: I bet you can't wait for all that extra cash!
7: Take us out for lunch!
8: H-hey, gimme a break, I just got lucky!
9: That's right!
sfx: stomp
10: It was sheer dumb luck!

1: You were lucky...that's all.
2: And I, Mahiruno Murasaki, happened to be a little off that day.
3: What are you acting all proud for?
4: How stupid can you be?
5: Sorry, but I think YOU'RE the stupid one here!
6: You got five less points than me, after all.
7: Uggggggghhhhh!
8: Woah, invisible sparks
9: are crackling between them!
10: (Around here!
11: Woah, what the?
12: I can see the sparks all of a sudden!

1: They really are
2: the stars of the school!
3: Now they've gone and caused
4: some kind of paranormal phenomenon!
sfx: fwoom

1: Wh-what was that?
2: Owwwww.
3: What is this?
4: A card?
5: Congratulations!
6: You two have been chosen!

1: I'm DeFore,
2: a representative from the planning and sales department of the Bank of the Universe.
3: Bank of the Universe?
4: DeFore.
5: Before we begin entering
6: the Earth market,
7: we'd first like to have you two youngsters
8: try out our service.

1: The Bank of the Universe
2: has a chain in every zone of the Milky Way!
sfx: Yeaaaah
3: It's an ultra first-class establishment!
4: It still has yet to make a splash on this backwater planet, though.
5: And those cards are none other than MIRACLE CARDS!
6: Cards that grant unlimited access
7: to the Bank of the Universe's unlimited funds!
8: /This smells really fishy...
sfx: flick

1: Seeing is believing!
2: Here, let's try them right away.
3: All you need to do is decide where you want to use them,
4: and the funds will be transferred from the Bank of the Universe and converted into the currency of the planet you're currently on!
5: It's simple and easy!
6: Here's your double cheeseburger.
7: Ah, over here!
8: And the demi-rice omelet? Over here!
9: Now, please, eat up!
10: And believe in the cards!
11: I have enough money to cover this if they don't work.
12: /I'll just apologize profusely
13: /and then wash some dishes!

1: Now then, Tomorou-kun, pay our bill!
2: Why me?
sfx: tremble
3: Ummm, I'd like to pay...with..this...
4: Thank you very much!
5: Seriously?!
sfx: yeaaahh
6: Woah!
7: This is awesome!
8: This is the real thing! Wahaha!
9: I'm still not convinced. The restaurant could have been in on it!
10: Some bank you are!
11: There's still a big possibility that this could all be some huge scam!
12: Really?

1: I have to say, I'm surprised. I've been nothing but honest with you,
2: as I explained...what else can I do
3: to get you
4: to trust me?
5: It's simple.
6: Let us buy something that isn't sold on the earth. Like...
7: A spaceship!
8: One that I can pilot on my own!
9: A UFO built for high school girls?
10: Bring it here
11: right now!

1: Huh.
2: What?!
3: No way!
4: Do you believe me now?
sfx: yeaaaah
5: The Bank of the Universe
6: is the real thing!

1: You idiot! Hurry up and hide this thing!
2: People will go nuts!
3: Woah, really?
4: People will go nuts over something like this?
5: Sheesh!
6: Sure tells you a lot about THIS planet...

1: Guess I'll just
2: put it into an interdimensional garage.
3: Here's the key. It's yours now.
4: R, really?
5: This card
6: is all mine?

1: Yahooo! We're rich now!
2: I can make friends with celebrities now!
3: Ahh!
4: Wait, I forgot one thing! One little detail...
5: Those cards can only be
6: used on their own one time.
7: So you can never make
8: another purchase like that again.
9: Why didn't you say so? I wasted it on lunch!
10: And I wasted mine on a UFO!
11: You shouldn't be complaining!
12: Don't fret up just yet!
13: Those cards are called the "two keys."
14: They possess one other hidden function!

1: They can access
2: the Bank of the Universe Vault.
3: It's located at the Bank of the Universe HQ.
4: An endless vortex of money!
5: It contains the "value" of the entire universe!
6: The source of all wealth!

1: But the vault has a mind of its own,
2: and has locked itself up.
3: It's an invincible entity
4: that's withstood a vast amount of attempted thefts.
5: But there is one way to open it!
6: By using
7: those two keys!
8: If the people who hold the keys
9: connect their hearts together,
10: then the door to unlimited wealth
11: will open!

1: Oh, that's nothing!
2: Good, I was afraid it was going to be something really hard!
3: Y-you seem rather confident.
4: Connecting two hearts is easier said than done..
5: I think it just went over our heads.
6: If we just say "Open sesame" at the same time, it'll open,
7: right Tomorou?
8: Yeah!
9: Open sesame!
10: Bank of the Universe!

1: Ohhh, amazing!
2: I can see it...
3: I can feel it!
4: It's reverberating through me!
5: The Bank of the Universe Vault
6: at the edge of the Milky Way...
7: is overflowing
8: with infinite wealth!

1: I don't feel anything.
2: What's going on?
3: wah!
4: Kyaaah!
sfx: fwap
5: I'm the one
6: who found the two keeeeys!
7: Hey, DeFore-san!
8: What's the big idea?!
9: These two fools
10: tried to rob
11: the vault!
12: What are you...
13: Wait a minute!
14: You tricked us!

1: It all started out as a simple business coup d'etat...
2: I captured the managers...
3: But the vault still wouldn't open.
4: But as an executive director,
sfx: poof
5: I couldn't go and do anything drastic.
6: That's when I turned my eyes to you two.
7: Two stupid little kids filled with greed!
8: What'd you call us?!
sfx: yoink
9: Let us down!
10: But I'm the one who's in control of everything now,
11: not those two useless managers!
12: It's time for me to become the new leader of the bank!
13: I'm a bit curious as to where the last two leaders managers disappeared to,
14: but it matters not.
15: I'm truly thankful to you,
16: so I'll let you keep the keys as a token of my gratitude.
17: Once I open the vault, I'm going to rebuild it, anyway.

1: I will also award you
2: with painless deaths
3: You've gotta be kidding me!
4: Please don't!
5: It'll only take a few seconds.
sfx: drop
6: Ciao.
7: Uwaaaaaaahhhh
sfx: fwoooosh
8: Kyaaaaaaaahh
9: Nooo! I don't want to die here! Not with this guy! Not in this position!
10: Shuddap!
11: This is YOUR fault!
12: Do something!
13: What do you expect me to do?!
14: There aren't any parachutes, helicopters, airplanes, nothing!

1: But we have
2: the spaceship we just bought!
3: Where's the key?!
sfx: fwoooom
4: I-in my breast pocket!
5: Here?
6: Yeah, that's it!
7: Hey! Stop fondling me!
sfx: boing
8: Th-this vest is really tight!
9: You're doing that on purpose!
10: You pervert! I hope you die!
11: It's your fault
12: for having surprisingly large breasts!
sfx: boing
13: I hate you!
14: I got it!

sfx: poof
1: W-we're safe?
2: Looks like it.
3: That was one long elevator.

1: So, how do we get inside?
2: I dunno.
3: This is YOUR ship, isn't it?!
4: There isn't a door or a hatch in sight!
5: Heeey! Open sesame!
6: We need your help!
7: Please! Let us inside!
sfx: pop
8: It only listens to what you say, Murasaki!
9: Because you're the owner!
10: Awww, UFO-chan! You're so adorable!

1: That's a bike...right?
2: The kind an old lady would ride.
3: This room is pretty big,
4: but there's nothing else here.
5: Feels like a normal bike to me.
6: Oof.
sfx: fwoosh
7: Uwaah!
8: Kyaaa!

1: It's going so fast!
2: We're in outer space already!
3: Huh? That's the earth?
4: B,
5: brakes!
6: It stopped!
7: So this bicycle is the control mechanism?
8: Because I asked for a ship that even I could pilot?
9: It really is made for a high school girl!

1: Kyaaa!
sfx: fwoosh
2: Now what?!
3: What is this, an earthquake?
4: An earthquake on a UFO?
sfx: boom
5: You're pretty funny, Tomorou.
sfx: boom
6: I don't really get it,
7: but doesn't it kinda feel like we're being shot at?
8: We're being attacked!
9: From where?
sfx: zap
10: There!

1: Resistance is futile!
2: You thieves!
3: I am the new manager of the Bank of the Universe,
4: DeFore!
5: DeFore! You framed us!
6: You made us use those cards
7: so that you could set us up as the criminals, didn't you?!

1: Enough false accusations.
2: Those keys belong to the manager.
3: The fact that they are in your possession
4: means you might have murdered the previous managers.
5: Oh, gimme a break!
6: We didn't do anything!
7: That's right.
8: We're perfectly fine.
sfx: flash

1: We're the managers.
2: We're the two keys.
3: The managers are the keys.
4: You're still alive?!
sfx: ba-dum
5: You transformed into the cards?!
6: Why didn't you tell me?!
7: I'll come save you right now!
8: This is all your doing!
9: You're going to pay for this, you traitor!
10: Oh no! It appears that the managers were brainwashed by the thieves!
11: I suppose I'll just have to exterminate them all now!
12: Who'd believe a nerdy story like that?
13: He must be the kind who never admits he's wrong no matter how cornered he gets.

1: They're attacking us now?!
sfx: zap zap
2: Everyone believed that stupid story?!
3: Everyone at that bank
sfx: tremble
4: must be brain dead!
5: We won't argue.
6: Nope.
7: Therefore
8: we must strike back.
9: Huh?
10: Pedal as fast as I can?
sfx: whisper
11: Focus the defense shields on the front? And sharpen them outwards?
sfx: whisper

1: Your target is
2: the enemy flagship!
sfx: fwoooooosh
3: Chaaaaarge!
4: E...
5: E-E-E
6: Evaaade!

sfx: bwoom

1: Tomorou!
2: Come up to the roof.
3: Whatever the circumstances, the fact remains
4: that you two opened the vault and let out the wealth within.

1: The value in damages
2: is equal to
3: 10 quintillion yen.
4: But we defeated DeFore! Let's call it even!
5: That's that,
6: and this is this.
7: How will you
8: compensate us?
9: There's a money transport ship
10: heading toward the Orion Nebula.
11: Rumor has it that they might get attacked,
sfx: yoink
12: so they need protection.

1: Why did they have to estimate our debt in earth money?!
2: It's too big, it just went over my head.
3: Let's go!
4: Yeah!